Take the help

By Sarah Bzdega

Almost the second after I uttered the words, “We’re getting married,” my parents began rattling off everything that needed to get done and asking how they could help. Just as quickly, I went into defense mode and began rejecting all assistance. I was so overwhelmed by the details of planning the event and the excitement of the engagement that I didn’t want to lose even more control by giving up command of any part of the operation.

But as soon as I delved into the logistics, it became obvious that wedding planning is more like a part-time job than a hobby and I would need a lot of help to get everything done in time. I had to relinquish some command.

If you have perfectionist tendencies like me, giving up control of some of your preparations isn’t easy. But there are ways to get friends and family who are eager to help involved in the mix without surrendering those important decisions that will affect the overall design and feel of your wedding. Not only will it save you time – and your sanity – but it also will make your wedding what it is supposed to be, a celebration with many people.

Here are a few ways you can get friends and family involved:

• Make a list of all the reception sites you’re interested in and ask someone to call around to check availability, prices and other important factors that will affect your decision. Their legwork will help you narrow down your choices to a few you can then visit. Do the same for other arrangements, such as hotel accommodations and DJs.
• Bring a friend and/or family member to major appointments, such as trying on dresses or choosing a florist. They will offer a different perspective and may even think of questions that you never thought to ask.
  
• Give up on deciding one or two things that may mean a lot to your parents, especially if they are paying for the wedding. My dad insisted on having a band at the reception, and at first I fought him on the cost and worried about his selection. But after seeing a couple of the choices he had found, I realized I could and needed to trust him to get it done. No questions asked.
• Enlist help with tedious projects, such as tying ribbons on programs or writing addresses on envelopes. Make it a fun bonding night at the same time, with cocktails and snacks.

Tip: Be respectful of how much you ask people to take on and how excited they are to help out. After all, this is your event to plan and you will have to take on the biggest share of the work. But a lot of friends and family will likely be eager to participate, so let them – without giving up your vision and expectations for a perfect day.

The next groomsmaid

By Marjorie

One of my best guy friends is getting married in July and he just recently asked me to be in his wedding. Of course, I said “yes” and am delighted to be on the other side of the fence this time.

However, for my friend, getting me in the wedding wasn’t necessarily an easy task, especially because his bride-to-be insisted that I stand on his side if I was going to be a part of the wedding party.

This dialogue regarding a woman standing on the groom’s side started a fury of questions, and I was in the middle, unsure of how to react. I had never heard of a woman standing on the groom’s side, but if that is what she wanted, then that is what I would do. After all, this is the 21st century and weddings aren’t nearly as traditional as they used to be. For instance, I had my father and my stepfather walk me down the aisle, one on each arm.

And after more thought, I decided that standing next to my friend, whom I’ve known for nearly 10 years, would be a nice change of pace. He and I have the same group of friends – mostly guys – and this way, I would get to stand with them, instead of with a group of women I’m unfamiliar with. Does this mean I get to go to the bachelor party too?

I was getting excited. Even though I felt a little put-off by his future bride, I didn’t mind. After all, I am his friend; she did make that pretty clear.

But after a couple of weeks of not hearing from my friend, I was beginning to wonder if there was a change in plans. And as it turned out, my built-up hopes of standing on the groom’s side were short-lived.

My friend’s fiancée, whom I had never talked to on the phone before and still felt ostracized from “her side,” called and told me that instead of standing on the groom’s side, I would stand with all of the other bridesmaids on the bride’s side.

I didn’t ask questions. I just agreed.

And so the conversation continued with dress-fitting deadlines, wedding shower dates and shoe suggestions, and the decision was final: I was standing on her side.

I’m not quite sure what changed her mind or his – if he had anything to do with it – but I will admit, I was kind of looking forward to standing on the groom’s side.

Either way, I’m happy to be a part of their big day. However, I do suggest that if you’re heart is telling you to switch things up and have groomsmaids or bridesmen, just go for it.