10 ways to wow your guests

A memorable reception starts with personal touches that reflect you and your fiancé’s personality and ends with little surprises that are unlike anything your guests have seen before. Is there a cultural tradition or an activity you and your husband-to-be are crazy about that you could share? Is there something you’ve always wanted to have at a party but are afraid “it’s not how a traditional wedding is supposed to be”?

Forget what you think has to be done and get creative with these aha! reception ideas:

1. Capture those candid moments by renting a digital camera package. YouShoot gives you a set of cameras to hand out to trusted family members and friends. When you return the cameras, the company uploads all the photos to a Web site that you and guests can order prints from. For guests who bring their own cameras, give them a CD to burn their photos onto and a pre-stamped envelope to send to the company, so it can upload their photos to the site.

2. Personalize your guest book by sending out pages to close family and friends before the wedding and have them create their own design that will get pasted into your book.

3. Hire a pianist, a cappella group, magician or other entertainer to amuse your guests during a cocktail hour or between courses. What about hiring a young artist who can paint a picture of you and your fiancé during the party as a keepsake?

4. Do you have a grandmother or friend who has a renowned dish? Have them make it for the reception. On a budget? Encourage a few friends and relatives to each make a dish to create an appetizer or dessert buffet. Label each food with the cook’s name.

5. Forget the cake and go for a dessert buffet. Have a sundae bar or set out jars of candy around the room. (Tip: Candy dishes can make colorful decorations!)

6. If you couldn’t say vows, light a unity candle or have another tradition you wanted at your ceremony, do it at the reception. Instead of vows, my husband and I each gave a toast to each other before recognizing our guests.

7. Rather than a sit-down dinner, set up tasting bars with heavy hors d’oeuvres around the room. Plan on fewer chairs than number of guests and instead, put up taller tables for a bar-like setting that gets guests mingling. Even consider creating a lounge room with comfortable couches in one area; offer cigars and liquor.

8. Lighting can be the best way to set the mood. Dim the lights and put rows of tea candles along windowsills. Hide ugly light fixtures with Chinese lanterns or other fun coverings.

9. Instead of a slide show that distracts your guests, put photo albums of you and your new spouse around the room for people to look at while taking a break from dancing.

10. If you’re one to party all night, throw an after-reception party. Just tell guests by word of mouth that you’ll be heading to your favorite local bar after the reception ends. Have them pay their way or set up an open tab beforehand.

Have a good reception idea? Please share!

Reception essentials

Planning your once-in-a-lifetime event starts with a blank slate. One choice can completely change the look and feel of the party and it is likely where you'll blow most of your wedding budget.

Before you get overwhelmed, here's a list of the biggest pieces you'll have to consider. I'll delve into each in future postings, but for now, I hope this gives you a layout from which you can begin planning.

Style: What do you envision for your reception? An afternoon tea party? A dance beneath the stars? A traditional ball in a historic hotel? This vision will affect all other decisions, so spend time brainstorming before you move forward. Books and Web sites (The Knot is always good) can help spark your imagination. Just keep in mind, you don't need to have a theme like "Under the Sea" or a masquerade ball. Think more in terms of the mood and experience you want to create.

Location: The style will likely dictate where you host your reception, but a cool location can also become the basis for your style. Look for funky places - a rooftop, garden or museum. (See my "Reception sites" posting in April for a list of Central Iowa locations). Many locations, especially hotels, have a set menu and drink list for you to choose from, so if you have a favorite caterer, you may need to pick a place that's a little more flexible.

Music: A band is far more expensive than a disc jockey, but for us, it was worth every penny to get the entire room up and dancing. Also consider background music. We hired a saxophone player to play for a couple of hours before the entire band came on stage.

Food and drinks: Again, hotels, country clubs and some other locations may make you use their chefs and will tack on a food and beverage service fee, while other locations may charge you to rent their facility but then let you choose a caterer and bring in your own drinks. Make sure you weigh these costs into your budget.

Decorations: I was surprised by how much flowers cost, but it took a lot to fill the open space we rented and set the scene. Some places include decorations, such as tablecloths (usually in black or white) and candles, as part of the total cost, but it's usually basic.

Details: Think party favors, guest book, disposable cameras ... all the little surprises that make an event exciting to your guests. Some of these can add a lot to the total cost, while others are just nice touches you can make to reflect your personality. For example, I printed quotations about love on soft paper, framed them in gold picture frames and set them around the room as a romantic touch.

Coming up next: Aha! reception ideas

Ceremonial blues

Standing at the altar, your hands shaking as they lie gently in his, rows of family and friends focused on you, the priest in front of you reciting a verse that will unify you as husband and wife. It is the most intense and passionate moment you will ever share with your significant other.

Yet planning it is a much, much different story.

As I’ve said before, I agreed to have a traditional Catholic wedding in the downtown cathedral. My husband and his family are Catholic, and it was the church where he was baptized. I agreed, thinking that I could still personalize the ceremony – we would say vows, light a unity candle and throw rose petals as we walked down the aisle.

I am not a very traditional woman and certainly don’t like doing what someone has done before. Yet as I sat in the church with rows of other couples to learn what we could and couldn’t do from a wedding planner who had been through so many ceremonies that she had it down to a science, I realized my dream ceremony would be dictated by a 16-page packet of rules and suggestions that felt more like demands than advice.

The vows and unity candles were out because of church rules. Rose petals would have to be cleaned up immediately following the event, which seemed like more trouble than it was worth. We could have only one candle – a memorial candle. We had two song options for each part of the ceremony – which, I will admit, the wedding planner sang beautifully with the organist playing – but we couldn’t agree on a good time for my friend to play piano and I eventually gave up.

None of the church decorations could be moved and we had to do pictures beforehand so that we were out of the church soon after the ceremony ended. Each passage that was to be read had been dwindled down to choices A, B or C and had been read at thousands of wedding ceremonies before us.

How could this be personal?

But I later found some aspects that I loved about getting married in the church, most important of which was its meaning to Tony, which made it personal. I liked the idea of getting married “before God” and to do it in a space so absolutely gorgeous that it almost made your heart stop as you stood in front. Plus, the church has a counseling process for couples, which helped get us to think past the wedding to what our life would be like afterward.

And when it came time to walk down the aisle, it felt deeply personal – way more than I imagined during orientation. I shook the whole time, our parents cried during “Ave Maria,” and our friends later said they were touched by the way Tony and I looked into each other’s eyes as we said our vows. I actually found it special to go through a ceremonial process so many other couples throughout the centuries had gone through.

My best advice is to keep in mind that if you decide to get married in a church, you will have to comply with the traditions and rules of that religion and community and do so with respect. You may not have your complete vision, but the ceremony ultimately is about your marriage, not the details. Focus on the big picture here and plan one heck of a reception!

Coming up: How to plan one heck of a reception

Dress buying tips

Though finding the perfect wedding dress was probably the easiest decision I ever made, the process of actually buying it was way more stressful. I was bombarded with so many extra decisions I wasn’t prepared to make that quickly ended my ecstatic state.

Here are a few things to keep in mind so you don’t experience the same panic I did:

Buy your dress as early as possible. We found that most stores need six to eight months(!) to order the dress or you could pay huge fees to have it rush-delivered. The earlier you order, the sooner you receive it so you avoid any last-minute problems. If you’re worried about gaining or losing weight, a dress with a corset back allows you to go up or down about one full dress size, while a zipper back will likely require some tailoring.

Make an appointment with the wedding boutique ahead of time, because especially on weekends or during peak dress-buying season (shortly after the holidays), stores will only accept reservations. In fact, consider going during a weekday or a midweek evening, when you’ll be more relaxed and the saleswomen can focus just on you.

Be prepared to buy (or at least consider buying) your bridesmaid dresses and accessories when you buy your dress. Many stores offer a discount if you buy your wedding dress during your first visit to the store and also extend the discount to bridesmaid dresses and accessories. Though it was a stressful decision I wasn’t prepared to make, my bridesmaid dresses were a lot cheaper (and nicer quality) by taking Schaffer’s 15 percent discount.

But don’t go overboard. I made the mistake of purchasing my shoes at the same time. When my dress arrived six months later, it was a tad too long with the shoes I had purchased (for more than $100!) and it was cheaper to buy taller heals than get the dress altered. Unless there is something you absolutely love, I would hold off buying accessories. You can find a lot more – and less expensive – options for shoes and hairpieces online than in Des Moines. Order a few items and ship the ones you don’t like back (just double-check return policies).

Think about tailoring costs, including the cost of putting in a bustle to hold up the train of your dress. This can be a couple hundred dollars depending on the dress. I found it cheaper to go with my personal tailor than with the store’s tailor.

Give yourself plenty of time. Plan on being at the store a few hours. Bring friends and make it a fun.

Coming up next: What to expect with the wedding ceremony.