By Marjorie
The big day has passed and the honeymoon is over. Now you’re thinking you get to kick back, throw your feet up and enjoy the married life. Well, not so fast.
Even though the stress of planning a wedding is much greater than the stress you will experience after the wedding, there are still a lot of things that need to be accomplished.
Below are just a few of the tasks you will need to conquer after the bliss wears off.
Name change: If you decide to take your husband’s name, you will need to legally change your name on your Social Security card, passport, driver’s license, credit cards, voter registration card, health insurance cards, 401(k) plans, etc. For a full list of things to legally change, visit www.americanbridal.com/namchanchec1.
Photographs: After the wedding, you will need to sort through the photographer’s proofs and select the pictures you want, your family wants and what your friends may want. Usually it takes a while to get the proofs back from the photographer, and depending on how many pictures the photographer took, it could take a while to sort through them all and find the ones you want to order.
Your dress: It was glamorous the day of your wedding, but now what are you supposed to do with it? Well, there are a few options you can choose from: You can donate it, hang it in your closet, store it in a preservation box, sell it, cut it up and make a new garment, or you simply get rid of it.
Thank-yous: Put these on the top of your list! Although a large guest list sounds likes a good idea at the start of your planning, writing thank-yous to that same guest list can become a grueling task. Let’s just say I have yet to write our thank-yous and our wedding was more than four months ago. Oops.
So it’s clear that once the ceremony is over, that doesn’t mean the work is over too, and my advice is to get these things taken care of as soon as possible. Once the post-wedding to-do list is taken care of, then you can sit back, kick your feet up and enjoy the married life.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Take the help
By Sarah BzdegaAlmost the second after I uttered the words, “We’re getting married,” my parents began rattling off everything that needed to get done and asking how they could help. Just as quickly, I went into defense mode and began rejecting all assistance. I was so overwhelmed by the details of planning the event and the excitement of the engagement that I didn’t want to lose even more control by giving up command of any part of the operation.
But as soon as I delved into the logistics, it became obvious that wedding planning is more like a part-time job than a hobby and I would need a lot of help to get everything done in time. I had to relinquish some command.
If you have perfectionist tendencies like me, giving up control of some of your preparations isn’t easy. But there are ways to get friends and family who are eager to help involved in the mix without surrendering those important decisions that will affect the overall design and feel of your wedding. Not only will it save you time – and your sanity – but it also will make your wedding what it is supposed to be, a celebration with many people.
Here are a few ways you can get friends and family involved:
- Make a list of all the reception sites you’re interested in and ask someone to call around to check availability, prices and other important factors that will affect your decision. Their legwork will help you narrow down your choices to a few you can then visit. Do the same for other arrangements, such as hotel accommodations and DJs.
- Bring a friend and/or family member to major appointments, such as trying on dresses or choosing a florist. They will offer a different perspective and may even think of questions that you never thought to ask.
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- Give up on deciding one or two things that may mean a lot to your parents, especially if they are paying for the wedding. My dad insisted on having a band at the reception, and at first I fought him on the cost and worried about his selection. But after seeing a couple of the choices he had found, I realized I could and needed to trust him to get it done. No questions asked.
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- Enlist help with tedious projects, such as tying ribbons on programs or writing addresses on envelopes. Make it a fun bonding night at the same time, with cocktails and snacks.
Tip: Be respectful of how much you ask people to take on and how excited they are to help out. After all, this is your event to plan and you will have to take on the biggest share of the work. But a lot of friends and family will likely be eager to participate, so let them – without giving up your vision and expectations for a perfect day.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The next groomsmaid
By Marjorie
One of my best guy friends is getting married in July and he just recently asked me to be in his wedding. Of course, I said “yes” and am delighted to be on the other side of the fence this time.
However, for my friend, getting me in the wedding wasn’t necessarily an easy task, especially because his bride-to-be insisted that I stand on his side if I was going to be a part of the wedding party.
This dialogue regarding a woman standing on the groom’s side started a fury of questions, and I was in the middle, unsure of how to react. I had never heard of a woman standing on the groom’s side, but if that is what she wanted, then that is what I would do. After all, this is the 21st century and weddings aren’t nearly as traditional as they used to be. For instance, I had my father and my stepfather walk me down the aisle, one on each arm.
And after more thought, I decided that standing next to my friend, whom I’ve known for nearly 10 years, would be a nice change of pace. He and I have the same group of friends – mostly guys – and this way, I would get to stand with them, instead of with a group of women I’m unfamiliar with. Does this mean I get to go to the bachelor party too?
I was getting excited. Even though I felt a little put-off by his future bride, I didn’t mind. After all, I am his friend; she did make that pretty clear.
But after a couple of weeks of not hearing from my friend, I was beginning to wonder if there was a change in plans. And as it turned out, my built-up hopes of standing on the groom’s side were short-lived.
My friend’s fiancée, whom I had never talked to on the phone before and still felt ostracized from “her side,” called and told me that instead of standing on the groom’s side, I would stand with all of the other bridesmaids on the bride’s side.
I didn’t ask questions. I just agreed.
And so the conversation continued with dress-fitting deadlines, wedding shower dates and shoe suggestions, and the decision was final: I was standing on her side.
I’m not quite sure what changed her mind or his – if he had anything to do with it – but I will admit, I was kind of looking forward to standing on the groom’s side.
Either way, I’m happy to be a part of their big day. However, I do suggest that if you’re heart is telling you to switch things up and have groomsmaids or bridesmen, just go for it.
One of my best guy friends is getting married in July and he just recently asked me to be in his wedding. Of course, I said “yes” and am delighted to be on the other side of the fence this time.
However, for my friend, getting me in the wedding wasn’t necessarily an easy task, especially because his bride-to-be insisted that I stand on his side if I was going to be a part of the wedding party.
This dialogue regarding a woman standing on the groom’s side started a fury of questions, and I was in the middle, unsure of how to react. I had never heard of a woman standing on the groom’s side, but if that is what she wanted, then that is what I would do. After all, this is the 21st century and weddings aren’t nearly as traditional as they used to be. For instance, I had my father and my stepfather walk me down the aisle, one on each arm.
And after more thought, I decided that standing next to my friend, whom I’ve known for nearly 10 years, would be a nice change of pace. He and I have the same group of friends – mostly guys – and this way, I would get to stand with them, instead of with a group of women I’m unfamiliar with. Does this mean I get to go to the bachelor party too?
I was getting excited. Even though I felt a little put-off by his future bride, I didn’t mind. After all, I am his friend; she did make that pretty clear.
But after a couple of weeks of not hearing from my friend, I was beginning to wonder if there was a change in plans. And as it turned out, my built-up hopes of standing on the groom’s side were short-lived.
My friend’s fiancée, whom I had never talked to on the phone before and still felt ostracized from “her side,” called and told me that instead of standing on the groom’s side, I would stand with all of the other bridesmaids on the bride’s side.
I didn’t ask questions. I just agreed.
And so the conversation continued with dress-fitting deadlines, wedding shower dates and shoe suggestions, and the decision was final: I was standing on her side.
I’m not quite sure what changed her mind or his – if he had anything to do with it – but I will admit, I was kind of looking forward to standing on the groom’s side.
Either way, I’m happy to be a part of their big day. However, I do suggest that if you’re heart is telling you to switch things up and have groomsmaids or bridesmen, just go for it.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Avoid a financial fiasco
By Marjorie
When you get married, the old saying “What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine” can become a grueling reality in terms of finances.
New bills, newly acquired debt and new ways of figuring out who pays for what.
This has already caused many headaches between me and my husband as we search for the best way to manage our combined incomes.
Finally after nearly three months of marriage, Tyler and I think we might have an idea of how to manage our combined finances, and these are just a few of the questions that arose during our financial heart-to-heart.
Savings accounts: Sit down and discuss a savings plan. Will the two of you contribute equally, or will each of you have your own savings account? Will you combine existing savings accounts into one? What are the rules for spending the money that you save – is it for emergencies, vacations, etc.?
Checking accounts: Make sure you sit down and discuss how many checking accounts you will have. Will each of you have separate accounts plus an additional joint account, or will you opt to have just one joint account?
Paying bills: Decide ahead of time who is going to pay for what. If you have a mortgage or a rent payment, how much of that will each of you pay every month? Will you continue to pay your individual credit card bills, or will you help each other out? Also, which banking account will the bill payments come out of – will it be the joint checking account or your individual accounts? This comes down to the ultimate question: Who pays for what?
Spending money: Make sure you talk with your fiancé about how much money you will allocate for miscellaneous spending, such as going to movies, going out to dinner or buying things for the house. Also, make sure you discuss who pays for entertainment. My husband used to always pay for dinner, movies or drinks, but now I pick up the tab every once in a while.
Who does what: My husband has absolutely no sense of paying bills on time, and trust me, this lack of awareness was a huge frustration at first. Finally we decided that I would be responsible for getting all the bills in the mail on time – all he has to do is write and sign the check. Knowing each other’s strengths and weaknesses when it comes to paying bills is very important, especially when it comes to combining two monetary lifestyles into one. Discuss who will be responsible for getting the bills paid and in the mail on time.
As you can see, there are plenty of money topics to discuss before tying the knot, and I strongly encourage you to have these talks before getting married. But also make sure you do more than just talk; for instance, you should draft a mock budget. Make a list of all of your combined debts, combined monthly bills and combined incomes so you can visualize what it will be like after marriage. By doing this, you will be able to get a feel for how much money the two of you will have to spend and to save.
Knowing each other’s economic vital signs and having a plan in place will help the first few months of marriage go a lot smoother than if you hadn’t discussed it – trust me.
When you get married, the old saying “What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine” can become a grueling reality in terms of finances.
New bills, newly acquired debt and new ways of figuring out who pays for what.
This has already caused many headaches between me and my husband as we search for the best way to manage our combined incomes.
Finally after nearly three months of marriage, Tyler and I think we might have an idea of how to manage our combined finances, and these are just a few of the questions that arose during our financial heart-to-heart.
Savings accounts: Sit down and discuss a savings plan. Will the two of you contribute equally, or will each of you have your own savings account? Will you combine existing savings accounts into one? What are the rules for spending the money that you save – is it for emergencies, vacations, etc.?
Checking accounts: Make sure you sit down and discuss how many checking accounts you will have. Will each of you have separate accounts plus an additional joint account, or will you opt to have just one joint account?
Paying bills: Decide ahead of time who is going to pay for what. If you have a mortgage or a rent payment, how much of that will each of you pay every month? Will you continue to pay your individual credit card bills, or will you help each other out? Also, which banking account will the bill payments come out of – will it be the joint checking account or your individual accounts? This comes down to the ultimate question: Who pays for what?
Spending money: Make sure you talk with your fiancé about how much money you will allocate for miscellaneous spending, such as going to movies, going out to dinner or buying things for the house. Also, make sure you discuss who pays for entertainment. My husband used to always pay for dinner, movies or drinks, but now I pick up the tab every once in a while.
Who does what: My husband has absolutely no sense of paying bills on time, and trust me, this lack of awareness was a huge frustration at first. Finally we decided that I would be responsible for getting all the bills in the mail on time – all he has to do is write and sign the check. Knowing each other’s strengths and weaknesses when it comes to paying bills is very important, especially when it comes to combining two monetary lifestyles into one. Discuss who will be responsible for getting the bills paid and in the mail on time.
As you can see, there are plenty of money topics to discuss before tying the knot, and I strongly encourage you to have these talks before getting married. But also make sure you do more than just talk; for instance, you should draft a mock budget. Make a list of all of your combined debts, combined monthly bills and combined incomes so you can visualize what it will be like after marriage. By doing this, you will be able to get a feel for how much money the two of you will have to spend and to save.
Knowing each other’s economic vital signs and having a plan in place will help the first few months of marriage go a lot smoother than if you hadn’t discussed it – trust me.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Tying the family knot
By special guest Todd Razor
I haven’t been to a wedding for a while – especially one in which I was really looking forward to attending – until this past weekend.
On Saturday, my oldest niece married her high school sweetheart, an upstanding young man she had been dating for four years.
I’d been anticipating the event for several months, but it wasn’t until the rehearsal dinner that it really hit me just how excited I was for them and our family.
It was a sweet reminder of just how important family really is and it struck me just how uninhibited people and children tend to become around nuptial engagements.
Hearing my brother, one of the most stoic people that I have ever known, speak at Friday’s dinner and the following day at the ceremony; watching the beautiful bride, my 20-year-old commonsensical niece, all grown up, choke back tears as she thanked her best friends for all the support they have shown; and listening to the groom – whom in the four years I have known him has barely glued more than two sentences together in my presence – give a full speech in front of about 200 guests, was a big deal.
My brother and his wife danced more that night than they have during their entire marriage of more than 20 years. The kids in attendance streamed out onto the dance floor, hamming it up during the fast songs and sitting, watching and waiting during the slow ones – perhaps in awe or anticipation of the sweet affection shown by the adults embracing one another.
One seven-year-old girl, Hannah, the officiating pastor’s daughter, whom I hadn’t seen in almost three years, made a special impression by immediately connecting with my date.
Had I not cut in, she probably would have danced with my girlfriend more than I did.
I had a blast that night, and experienced a mix of emotion rarely felt. Sober, but intoxicated with the entire encounter, I danced for more than an hour straight with my girl, which, incidentally, garnered a big thank you from the DJs when the night finally came to a close for making their job easier.
Not only was I able to make a connection with my significant other, but I also got to dance with my two nieces that evening, perhaps one of the last opportunities I will have to be that close to the girls I have watched grow from babies, to teenagers, to fine young ladies with great hopes and great futures.
As an usher, the affair also gave me the chance to dress to the nines, which is always fun.
I’m so thankful they chose to include me in their big day and would like to wish them, and all the other newly or soon-to-be married couples out there the best.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Congrats! Now start planning
By Sarah
Over the holidays, a friend of mine called me in panic. She had gotten engaged last Valentine’s Day and now the reality that she would have to plan the wedding was finally setting in as the deadline loomed nine months away. She had a list – invites, dress, rehearsal dinner site, music, food, cake – all these things that have to get done and not one clue about what to do first.
Hearing her concerns reminded me of just how daunting the task of planning a wedding is. Sure there are plenty of sites and books that tell you what to do, but ultimately, you still have to decide what you want your wedding to be and whom you are going to work with to make that happen. Few people have experience putting on an event of this magnitude until they are faced with wedding bells in their near future.
Here are a few tips for getting past the shock stage to actually checking things off your to-do list.
1. Buy a wedding planning book that offers a timeline of when things need to get done and use that to prioritize what needs to get done first. The list is probably more detailed than you want, but pick the items that apply to you and start working.
2. Buy, borrow from friends, or check out from the library several wedding-idea books – not ones that tell you how to plan, but rather books with tons of photos. Go through and bookmark the ideas that appeal most to you. This will help you start to form a vision for your wedding and have something to show vendors when you meet to talk about what you want.
3. Make a budget. Before you make any major decisions, you must decide how much money you have to spend on the wedding. This will determine whether you can book the Des Moines Embassy Club downtown or have the reception in your back yard. Keep in mind the average cost for a wedding is more than $20,000.
4. Attend a bridal show. Even though they are the most stressful and overcrowded events I have ever been to, suck it up and go to at least one. They are a great way to get a sense of local vendors and pick up the business cards of the ones you like. After the event, call the places you liked most to set up appointments to talk with them more in-depth.
5. Sit down with a friend who has been through the wedding planning process and get tips and ideas of where you should start.
Once you’ve developed a good sense of what you want your wedding to be, what you can afford and where to start, get working!
Over the holidays, a friend of mine called me in panic. She had gotten engaged last Valentine’s Day and now the reality that she would have to plan the wedding was finally setting in as the deadline loomed nine months away. She had a list – invites, dress, rehearsal dinner site, music, food, cake – all these things that have to get done and not one clue about what to do first.
Hearing her concerns reminded me of just how daunting the task of planning a wedding is. Sure there are plenty of sites and books that tell you what to do, but ultimately, you still have to decide what you want your wedding to be and whom you are going to work with to make that happen. Few people have experience putting on an event of this magnitude until they are faced with wedding bells in their near future.
Here are a few tips for getting past the shock stage to actually checking things off your to-do list.
1. Buy a wedding planning book that offers a timeline of when things need to get done and use that to prioritize what needs to get done first. The list is probably more detailed than you want, but pick the items that apply to you and start working.
2. Buy, borrow from friends, or check out from the library several wedding-idea books – not ones that tell you how to plan, but rather books with tons of photos. Go through and bookmark the ideas that appeal most to you. This will help you start to form a vision for your wedding and have something to show vendors when you meet to talk about what you want.
3. Make a budget. Before you make any major decisions, you must decide how much money you have to spend on the wedding. This will determine whether you can book the Des Moines Embassy Club downtown or have the reception in your back yard. Keep in mind the average cost for a wedding is more than $20,000.
4. Attend a bridal show. Even though they are the most stressful and overcrowded events I have ever been to, suck it up and go to at least one. They are a great way to get a sense of local vendors and pick up the business cards of the ones you like. After the event, call the places you liked most to set up appointments to talk with them more in-depth.
5. Sit down with a friend who has been through the wedding planning process and get tips and ideas of where you should start.
Once you’ve developed a good sense of what you want your wedding to be, what you can afford and where to start, get working!
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