By Marjorie
One thing that comes with the nuptials is the inheritance of in-laws. And for my husband, he has inherited five sisters-in-law and a brother-in-law, a clan that is young, rambunctious and tight-knit.
This type of family (my family) is one that would scare off a lot of potential mates, but Tyler definitely took the bull by the horns and made himself right at home. And for me, this was a big step.
When family is a top priority, as it is for me and Tyler, it’s extremely important to find a partner who not only accepts your family, but enjoys their company and won’t mind tolerating them for the rest of his or her life. After all, every holiday and every major event from marriage on will be surrounded with in-laws.
And when looking back, Tyler and I learned our lesson about in-laws long before we said our “I do’s,” and I recall the moment as if it were yesterday.
It was New Year’s Eve last year. Tyler and I were playing a game with his little sister and his dad when the ultimate question arose. Tyler’s dad asked him, “Whose side do you take if Marjorie and Mom disagree on something?”
Tyler thought about it.
He looked at me cautiously, and then looked at his dad yearning for advice, or at least an indicator that would suggest the right answer. Then the silence broke, and Tyler squealed, “Mom’s.”
My eyes bulged in dismay, Tyler’s dad burst out laughing and his sister sat in silence.
In an attempt to explain, or redeem, himself, Tyler stammered, “Well, we aren’t married yet and until we are… I mean… I guess it would depend on the situation.… What’s wrong with saying Mom?”
This was our first lesson on in-laws.
My future father-in-law explained to Tyler that there are some things that change after marriage and suggested that Tyler rethink his statement or else he’ll be in for a world of surprise.
Now I wouldn’t take it that far, but we did learn a valuable piece of advice that day: No matter the circumstances, always take your spouse’s side if he or she disagrees with your family. After marriage your spouse needs your support and you need to be the No. 1 supporter.
However, I did agree with my father-in-law over Tyler last New Year’s Eve when he suggested Tyler rethink his answer, and I still question whether Tyler would take my side or his mom’s.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Holiday surprise
By Sarah
The first Christmas Tony and I decided to spend together was tough.
The arrangements worked out perfectly: Tony’s parents like celebrating on Christmas Eve, while my family has always been big on celebrating on Christmas day, so we simply dedicated a day to each.
However, that first year, we discovered that his parents wanted to open gifts at midnight – which took at least two hours to go through – and mine were expecting to have breakfast early on Christmas Day. We were exhausted! And felt bad that we had to take off immediately after opening gifts at Tony’s parents and that we weren’t chipper for my parents the next day. Plus, Tony struggled with the idea of not seeing his parents on Christmas Day and I struggled not being able to spend a lot of time with my brother while he was in town.
The holidays are likely where you will deal with some of the biggest emotions as you adjust to your new life as a married couple. It will require you to shed some traditions and gain others, negotiate on many sides and learn how to set aside time for the two of you.
Here are some tips for surviving your first holiday together:
Be open early on about which events and traditions are most important to each side of the family and prioritize which ones you will participate in. Don’t try to do it all! People will (or should) understand you have other commitments now.
Compromise. Especially if your families live in different cities, you may have to alternate holidays. Try to balance the time in a way that seems fair to all parties, but also make it clear to each side that you can’t be there for everything.
Accept change. Sure, it was emotional not to spend a lazy Christmas Eve with my family watching Christmas movies or to wake up to the smell of Christmas breakfast cooking in the oven, but it was fun laughing over a game of Scrabble with Tony’s folks and having a few quiet minutes together Christmas morning.
Start new traditions. Make sure you and your husband find time to be together. One of our favorite traditions we started is driving around to look at holiday lights the weekend before Christmas.
Rest assured: After that first year, it becomes much easier as you develop new patterns.
The first Christmas Tony and I decided to spend together was tough.
The arrangements worked out perfectly: Tony’s parents like celebrating on Christmas Eve, while my family has always been big on celebrating on Christmas day, so we simply dedicated a day to each.
However, that first year, we discovered that his parents wanted to open gifts at midnight – which took at least two hours to go through – and mine were expecting to have breakfast early on Christmas Day. We were exhausted! And felt bad that we had to take off immediately after opening gifts at Tony’s parents and that we weren’t chipper for my parents the next day. Plus, Tony struggled with the idea of not seeing his parents on Christmas Day and I struggled not being able to spend a lot of time with my brother while he was in town.
The holidays are likely where you will deal with some of the biggest emotions as you adjust to your new life as a married couple. It will require you to shed some traditions and gain others, negotiate on many sides and learn how to set aside time for the two of you.
Here are some tips for surviving your first holiday together:
Be open early on about which events and traditions are most important to each side of the family and prioritize which ones you will participate in. Don’t try to do it all! People will (or should) understand you have other commitments now.
Compromise. Especially if your families live in different cities, you may have to alternate holidays. Try to balance the time in a way that seems fair to all parties, but also make it clear to each side that you can’t be there for everything.
Accept change. Sure, it was emotional not to spend a lazy Christmas Eve with my family watching Christmas movies or to wake up to the smell of Christmas breakfast cooking in the oven, but it was fun laughing over a game of Scrabble with Tony’s folks and having a few quiet minutes together Christmas morning.
Start new traditions. Make sure you and your husband find time to be together. One of our favorite traditions we started is driving around to look at holiday lights the weekend before Christmas.
Rest assured: After that first year, it becomes much easier as you develop new patterns.
Monday, December 15, 2008
1,072 pictures
By Marjorie
More than a thousand pictures? You have to be kidding me.
There is no way – not even a slight chance – that I can sort through 1,072 pictures and not want to buy all of them. I understand photography is a business, but I didn’t think it was an enterprise of trickery. The trick being they take extremely nice photos of you and then give you more than you need to choose from so that you’ll purchase enough to break your piggy bank.
Goodness gracious!
Don’t get me wrong I’m delighted they took so many wonderful pictures and that I look absolutely fabulous in about 900 of them, but they should have at least caught me picking my nose or adjusting my bodice. Then I wouldn’t have so many good ones to choose from and could eliminate the “caught off guard” ones.
But no; the photographers did exactly what they were paid to do, and now I am in a predicament. And until you get your proofs back from the photographers, you will have absolutely no idea how many photographs they took or how many you will have to select from. Trust me: It will be plenty.
A photographer is there to capture the moment, and every moment will be caught on camera.
Photos of the wedding party, the groom’s family, the bride’s family, the bride and groom alone, the limousine, the entrance into the reception, the cake cutting, the first dance – you get my point.
So in response to their click-happy fingers that day, here I am faced with a deadline that extends 45 days, and all I can do is repeatedly flip through the proofs googly-eyed over our wedding pictures.
I know eventually I will have to harden up and choose about a tenth of what the photographers offered, but I just really don’t know if I can bring myself to part with the other 900 photos.
I mean after all, I looked damn good that day and I definitely don’t want to forget it.
More than a thousand pictures? You have to be kidding me.
There is no way – not even a slight chance – that I can sort through 1,072 pictures and not want to buy all of them. I understand photography is a business, but I didn’t think it was an enterprise of trickery. The trick being they take extremely nice photos of you and then give you more than you need to choose from so that you’ll purchase enough to break your piggy bank.
Goodness gracious!
Don’t get me wrong I’m delighted they took so many wonderful pictures and that I look absolutely fabulous in about 900 of them, but they should have at least caught me picking my nose or adjusting my bodice. Then I wouldn’t have so many good ones to choose from and could eliminate the “caught off guard” ones.
But no; the photographers did exactly what they were paid to do, and now I am in a predicament. And until you get your proofs back from the photographers, you will have absolutely no idea how many photographs they took or how many you will have to select from. Trust me: It will be plenty.
A photographer is there to capture the moment, and every moment will be caught on camera.
Photos of the wedding party, the groom’s family, the bride’s family, the bride and groom alone, the limousine, the entrance into the reception, the cake cutting, the first dance – you get my point.
So in response to their click-happy fingers that day, here I am faced with a deadline that extends 45 days, and all I can do is repeatedly flip through the proofs googly-eyed over our wedding pictures.
I know eventually I will have to harden up and choose about a tenth of what the photographers offered, but I just really don’t know if I can bring myself to part with the other 900 photos.
I mean after all, I looked damn good that day and I definitely don’t want to forget it.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Painting a perfect picture
By Marjorie
I’ve been taught my whole life that if I don’t like something, I should keep quiet and be polite, on the grounds that it would be rude to behave otherwise.
However, at 9 a.m. on the day of my wedding, I couldn’t keep quiet any longer and I rudely blurted out to my hairstylist, “Sorry, I really don’t mean to offend you, but I absolutely hate my hair.”
This abrupt and blunt change of heart left my hairstylist at a loss for words.
Not only had we done two trials prior to the big day that looked similar to my showcase ’do, but I had also told her I loved it those two times – being polite and doing the right thing, or so I thought.
But at that moment, when my hairstylist looked as though she wanted to wrap the curling iron cord around my neck, I realized that holding off until just two hours before pictures was definitely not the right thing to do.
Yet, with very little time until my bridal debut, we pulled off a classic, simple and elegant hairdo that I honestly – without holding my tongue – loved.
This change of heart, and complete change in appearance, is something I am so grateful for. Had I not said anything, had I kept quiet and been “polite,” I would have regretted it.
And as it turns out, my hair was like the cherry on top of the sundae; it completed my entire look. I felt that every aspect of getting ready that day – my makeup, my dress, my nails, my jewelry, my shoes and even my hair – painted a picture that looked perfect.
Everything was the way I wanted it to be. From the darker eye makeup than usual to the 14-inch hair extensions – which I encourage any bride with thin hair to invest in – I felt like a goddess.
So I encourage every bride out there, that when it comes to speaking up, whether it’s to your stylist two hours before the wedding or to your photographer about the types of shots you want, it’s your day. You want to look perfect and you want everything to be perfect, and for this one moment in your life, it can and will be perfect. I promise.
I’ve been taught my whole life that if I don’t like something, I should keep quiet and be polite, on the grounds that it would be rude to behave otherwise.
However, at 9 a.m. on the day of my wedding, I couldn’t keep quiet any longer and I rudely blurted out to my hairstylist, “Sorry, I really don’t mean to offend you, but I absolutely hate my hair.”
This abrupt and blunt change of heart left my hairstylist at a loss for words.
Not only had we done two trials prior to the big day that looked similar to my showcase ’do, but I had also told her I loved it those two times – being polite and doing the right thing, or so I thought.
But at that moment, when my hairstylist looked as though she wanted to wrap the curling iron cord around my neck, I realized that holding off until just two hours before pictures was definitely not the right thing to do.
Yet, with very little time until my bridal debut, we pulled off a classic, simple and elegant hairdo that I honestly – without holding my tongue – loved.
This change of heart, and complete change in appearance, is something I am so grateful for. Had I not said anything, had I kept quiet and been “polite,” I would have regretted it.
And as it turns out, my hair was like the cherry on top of the sundae; it completed my entire look. I felt that every aspect of getting ready that day – my makeup, my dress, my nails, my jewelry, my shoes and even my hair – painted a picture that looked perfect.
Everything was the way I wanted it to be. From the darker eye makeup than usual to the 14-inch hair extensions – which I encourage any bride with thin hair to invest in – I felt like a goddess.
So I encourage every bride out there, that when it comes to speaking up, whether it’s to your stylist two hours before the wedding or to your photographer about the types of shots you want, it’s your day. You want to look perfect and you want everything to be perfect, and for this one moment in your life, it can and will be perfect. I promise.
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