Give thanks

By Sarah

I have been to two weddings recently where the couple did not send a thank-you card after the event. There is nothing more disappointing to a guest than to buy an expensive gift and take a Saturday of his or her time to get dressed up and spend it focused on you, and then receive no acknowledgement.

Even if you’ve been close friends for years and years and they enjoyed the party, it still leaves people bitter not to receive a note stating that you appreciate their support and all of the new luxuries you now have to fill your home. It makes you seem ungrateful for their presence.

This is not just me ranting about not getting a card. I have had several people from the same parties mention their surprise at not receiving a thank-you. People expect it. They wait for it. And if they don’t get one, they talk about it.

Sure, you’ve been busy all year planning for this day and the last thing you want to do is spend another 100 hours writing cards to 500 guests. Plus, you’ve already thrown them a big party and spent loads on food, wine, party favors and more. But still, people want that personal touch. And honestly, if you just set your mind to getting it done, it’s not that bad.

Here’s some tips on writing thank-yous:

1. Start writing a thank-you as soon after you receive the gift as possible. The excitement will still be there, which will come out in your words. Plus, it’s polite to send the card within two to three weeks of receiving the gift (or after your honeymoon) – and it will keep relatives from calling your parents!

2. Set a goal. After arriving home from our honeymoon, my husband and I immediately decided to write five to 10 thank-you cards a day. In two weeks, all the notes were out the door.

3. Split up the work. Just because most of your gifts were for the kitchen, which doesn’t appeal to your fiancé, doesn’t mean he’s off the hook. He should write his own cards to his relatives and close friends.

4. Thank the person for the gift, say how it will help you and then try to add a line that relates to something personal between the two of you, such as you enjoyed the dance at the wedding or you look forward to seeing them at a specific event in the future.

5. Order your cards before the wedding; that way you can start writing notes as soon as you get back from your vacation, rather than waiting a month for one with a wedding photo on it. Even a simple card with your initials on it is fine, or a postcard from your trip.

Yes, it’s daunting to write hundreds of cards after you’ve already spent so much time planning the event. But it’s the perfect touch to end an already perfect wedding.

A list a mile long

By Marjorie

One of my bridesmaid’s dresses is in China. My flower girl has a black eye. The church scheduled the annual Fall Bazaar for the same weekend as our wedding, and rehearsal dinner plans had to be changed just three weeks before the big day.

Needless to say, the wedding is just 20 days away and plenty of things still need to fall into place. So in a last-minute scramble to get all my ducks in a row, I must charge on and get through it for just 20 more days.

And in order to do that, I advise every bride to make a master to-do list. Not only will you be able to visualize all the things that still need to be done, but a making a to-do list can prevent a frenzied bride from forgetting the smallest, yet most important details.

Also, a to-do list can provide you with a sense of accomplishment. And even though the list appears to only get longer, and longer … and longer, you will still be able to cross things off and feel like things are getting done.

As an example for other brides-to-be, I have provided my to-do list. Not only will you see all the things that start creeping up less than three weeks before the big day, but hopefully you will feel more secure as you notice I still have a lot to do!

• Place the order with the caterer for rehearsal dinner

• Call and bug relatives who haven’t sent in RSVPs

• Meet with the church organist to plan ceremony music

• Design and print ceremony programs

• Call and secure official start time with the photographer

• Call the reception hall with final head count

• I still need a veil – schedule a time to try dress on and pick out veil at same time

• Find my jewelry, bridesmaids’ jewelry and something for the flower girl

• Buy ring bearer pillow and flower girl basket

• Find a guest book, cake-cutting utensils and champagne toasting flutes

• Think of bridesmaids’ gifts and then buy them

• Send out bridal shower thank-yous

I’m sure I’m forgetting a million things, but from the looks of it, I better get busy!

Our biggest mistake

By Sarah

There it was. A burgundy card held together by two curving flaps with “Sarah” and “Tony” punched on opposite ends. An eighth-inch strip of gold paper lined the outside and inside the words were printed on a delicate cream paper with burgundy leaves dotted throughout. The masterpiece was tied together with an elegant gold bow.

It was perfect, my mom and I decided – after a couple glasses of wine – except for one minor detail. We had to make 299 more.

I would have given up on such a lofty project early on, but my mom insisted it would make an impression on our guests (in her defense, it did), and she couldn’t give up the idea that the invitations wouldn’t be as glorious as the one we first produced. So, my dad was put on operations duty, coming up with a jig we could use to carve the paper, figuring out how to glue all the paper so it wouldn’t leave wrinkles and determining what kind of paper worked best. Then he and I dug into cutting, gluing and assembling, which took MONTHS to complete.

All for invitations.

Having been through such a stressful, time-consuming process, I leave you with this advice: Don’t make your own invitations.

Unless they are very simple and still look professional, it is not worth your time, all for the sake of a piece of paper (or several in our case) that people will eventually throw out. Plus, by the time we bought paper, envelopes, cutting boards, printers, stamps and glue, we realized it probably wasn’t that much cheaper (in fact, it could have been more costly) than if we hired someone to print our invites.

In all, the process gave us some laughs, especially on that final night, when I dragged my fiancé over to my parents’ house to prepare the invitations for the mail. He and my dad were in a competition to see if they could get all 300 envelopes printed without messing up, because it meant starting the entire printing process over again, while my mom tied ribbons until her fingers literally bled and I stuffed them into envelopes.

My mom still asks whether all the blood, sweat and tears were worth it for one amazing presentation. In her mind, they were so magnificent that the thought of all the effort it took to get there has vanished. For me, it remains a cloud that mars my view of them. I can’t help thinking about all those hours we spent making them and all the other things I could have been doing. I still tell her: No way!

Clashing realities

By Marjorie

Getting lost in the chaos of wedding planning can make you forget about what’s really important: the simple things and the real people that matter most in life. But this past weekend, I took a step back, put things in perspective and realized that for both Tyler and me, it’s family that matters the most.

Just a couple of weeks ago, Tyler found out that his grandfather had been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and given just six months to live. Being the oldest grandson and still having all of his grandparents, Tyler was devastated.

Here we were, planning the best day of our life – our wedding – and at the same time, having to preparing for something awful – the loss of a grandparent.

The clashing of those two realities quickly put things in perspective and made me realize that all the insignificant details I’ve been preoccupied with mean nothing when compared with having his grandpa there with us on our wedding day.

So this past weekend, Tyler and I found ourselves in his grandfather’s company, spending time with him before it’s too late.

Learning about his childhood and how he was one of 13 children, hearing the story about how he proposed to his wife and at the same time discovered his mother was pregnant, and hearing over and over how proud he is of his family, the stories went on.

This is one man who has definitely lived a full life and has reaped the benefits of a 50-year marriage. He has eight children, 14 grandchildren and an acre of land he bought back in the ’80s that he planned to build his dream home on.

“I’m a lucky man,” he said standing in the kitchen with just Tyler and me. “I’ll be 69 if I make it to November.”

Hearing those words made everything set in, and the reality hit us pretty hard. The entire fret about the invitations and the arguments about the rehearsal dinner are simple things that have no value when compared with family.

So with a few more laughs, tears and a big hug goodbye, his grandpa said with a wink, “Hopefully I’ll see you at the wedding.”

Hopefully.